To Perdition and beyond
by JeffersonStarship
Summary: Dean wants to know what is better - pie or cheesecake. Madness ensues.


**Author's Note** - No animals were harmed in the making of this fic, and neither were Queen Elizabeth or Prince Phillip. (Sorry, your Majesties. NOW GIVE MISHA BACK!!!!!)

To Perdition and Beyond.

It all happened so quickly over the course of about three and a half hours that fateful sunny November night, that it was almost a case of blink and you'll miss it all.

The problems started with Dean taking Castiel to a local diner to try and settle an argument between Dean and Sam over what was best - pie or cheesecake. Castiel went willingly, especially after hearing about the pony farm next door to the diner.

Upon entering the diner, the hapless trio were beset by a horde of ninja mice performing acts of hara-kiri on their heads from the ceiling fans whirling ominously overhead. Neither of the trio took any notice, too distracted by the sight of two wrestlers dressed as varieties of cheese having a wrestling match in the corner. Dean cheered for the Gorganzola while Sam went for the more conservative Brie. Castiel looked on with bemusement and sidled away when he thought no one was looking.

Outside, a giant spider monkey chased random people down the road, looking for all the world like a simian version of Godzilla on LSD. Castiel amused himself for all of five seconds while watching the spider-zilla, but was soon distracted by the sight of a large sheep with curling horns sweeping back from his woolly forehead, randomly head-butting people as they tried to cross the street.

Castiel checked the clock, wondering if it was time to leave yet, then remembered he still hadn't eaten his pie or cheesecake. He decided to stay after realizing he didn't have time to storm the White House and try and take over the Presidency or even play on the Obama's trampoline.

The angel sat down at a vacant table, as Dean and Sam, having finished watching the cheese wrestling (the Gorganzola won by a fair margin, becoming world champion and getting the champion's belt and everything) came over, each Winchester brother carrying three plate of dessert each, and a can of coke. How they did it, Castiel didn't know, but that was the least of his worries.

Approximately seven seconds later, with a massive jolt of sugar racing through his veins delivered there by the toffee cheesecake, the angel pronounced his name to be Cas-man, and leapt onto the table, fist out-stretched before him in a fair imitation of Superman.

"To Perdition and beyond!" he cried, doing the Care Bear stare of doom, which freaked Sam out into a torrent of tears and belches.

Dean continued eating his pie, taking no notice of Cas-man, his crying brother and the break-dancing chimpanzee right next to their table. Once Dean Winchester had food in his mouth, he could not be distracted by man, angel nor beast (okay, ape.)

Castiel finally regained his senses, sitting back demurely on his seat, taking no notice of the waitress tripping over the break dancing chimp beside their table. The waitress screamed, then yelled for a butt doctor, before running from the diner, where she was attacked by first the sheep, then the giant spider monkey outside.

Sam stopped his infernal crying, Dean finished eating, while Castiel still did not know what was better - pie or cheesecake.

Dean settled the bill with Monopoly money, before they left, just in time to see Queen Elizabeth and her full regiment of Horse Guards ride past on Dartmoor ponies. If you squinted hard enough, Prince Phillip could be seen running after the regiment, having fallen from his sheep five miles back.

Dean, Sam and Castiel climbed into the Impala, driving off down the road, singing along to YMCA on the car radio, passing a sign by the side of the road, which read - "lodging next right - Bates Motel."

Overhead, a flock of birds started to gather, settling in the trees, the picket fences, even the children's playground, until Todd Stashwick scared them all off with his shapeshifter role from the episode "Monster Movie."

The night was quiet once again, and still no one knew which was better - pie or cheesecake.

fin


End file.
